


I Am a Wreck When I'm Without You

by postapocalyptic_cryptic



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Comfortember 2020, Confessions, Crying, Fever, Finn Doesn't Love Rey She Loves You You Karking Dumbass, Finn Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Finn is less of a mess, Fluff, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Getting Together, Humor, Hurt Poe Dameron, Hurt/Comfort, Infection, Jess is highly amused, M/M, Misunderstandings, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Canon, Sickfic, Whump, Whumptober 2020, like more humor than whump, medical drug use, of a variety of kinds, why isn't that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28188846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postapocalyptic_cryptic/pseuds/postapocalyptic_cryptic
Summary: Poe gets an infection while on a mission and just wants to see Finn. Drugs make him weepy and anxious and he decides to spill his guts, which necessitates reciprocal gut-spilling on Finn's part. It all works out in the end.In other words, I pretend it's not December and use a random number generator to smash Whumptober 21 (I Don't Feel So Well - Infection) and Comfortember 9 (Confessions) together.Title from Ricky Montgomery's "Line Without a Hook"
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Finn, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 5
Kudos: 104





	I Am a Wreck When I'm Without You

Finn knows something’s wrong just before they get notice that Poe’s entered the atmosphere. That’s been happening more and more lately, just  _ feelings  _ that make Finn think twice about a route or double-check a connection or call ahead to the medbay to tell them to get ready to take Poe in. 

When Poe comes in for the landing, it’s with none of his usual grace. The X-wing hardly makes it onto the pad and Jessika Pava is right beside him as they sprint out to meet it. 

Nothing seems to be wrong with the ship, but BB-8’s warbling frantically, bleeping something that makes Jessika curse and shove the ladder to the side of the ship, clambering up and opening the cockpit. 

“You better not be dead in there, Dameron,” she growls, leaning over the seat. Finn can’t see what’s going on and he tries not to let that panic him. If Poe was in serious danger, Jess would have said something already. The medical team’s footsteps echo behind him.

There’s a cough and then, faintly, “Not yet. Keep dreaming, Pava.” Finn’s knees turn to jelly and he stumbles against the X-wing. Jess reaches in and grabs Poe’s hands, pulling him into Finn’s line of sight. Despite their distance, Finn can already see that he’s ashen and sweaty, eyes wide and confused as Jess throws him over her shoulder and climbs back down the ladder. “Finn!” he cries as soon as he sees him. “Finn, buddy, you came out to see me!”

“Yeah, Poe, of course I did.” Finn tries to hide his blush behind the swarm of medical personnel taking Poe from Jessika’s arms and laying him on a stretcher. “What happened? Are you alright?”

Poe simply stares at him for a moment, wide-eyed and entranced by something on Finn’s face. “You’re real pretty, Finn. You’re real… real.” 

Finn splutters, unable to come up with a coherent response as Jessika chokes on nothing and Poe lets the doctors run a scanner over him. Finally, he manages to say, “Yeah, I’m real, Poe. Can we not do this now? I feel like there’s a better time.” 

Poe makes an exaggerated pout as someone puts a cannula under his nose. They’ve started moving now, Finn and Jessika jogging to keep pace with the stretcher as the medics rush Poe along. “I’ve got an i’fec-shun,” Poe slurs, eyes fluttering closed for a moment. 

“Yes, you do, General Dameron,” a medic confirms. “That’s why talking time’s over now. I’ll let the General in to see you as soon as you’re not septic, alright?” 

Poe makes some sort of half-coherent protest and then he’s gone through the medbay doors. 

Finn stops, taking a moment to catch his breath, slow his heart rate, and collect himself. What the fuck? What the  _ fuck?  _

Beside him, Pava snickers. He rounds on her, pointing a finger and saying, “Not a  _ word,  _ Pava. Not a word.” 

* * *

Finn spends the half-hour it takes to stabilize Poe pacing back and forth in the hall outside the medbay. In that time, he receives no less than five comms notifications and three calls alerting him to various crises across the base, all of which he responds to with a professionally worded, “Fuck you, the love of my life is sick and he wants to see me as soon as possible.” Then, people start approaching him in the hall and asking all sorts of questions, both pacing-related and otherwise.  _ Force,  _ he’s only been a General for a week and a half, give him a  _ break.  _

_ Finally,  _ Risha sticks her head out the door and says, “You can come see him now. Fair warning: he’s drugged to hell and feverish, so he’s not making a ton of sense.” 

Finn sighs. “I’m used to it.” Hopefully, this wouldn’t be a repeat of ‘tookas in the  _ kriffing  _ sheets, Finn, why won’t you listen to me?’ That had been a long, emotionally frustrating night. 

Finn shakes his head, following Risha through the doors and to the largely empty medbay that held Poe’s bed. He’s sitting up, hooked up to an I.V. and a few electrical leads and looking very confused. Then, he sees Finn and his tired face splits into a grin. “Finn! Buddy, you came to see me!”

Finn snorts at Poe’s delirious, delighted expression. “Sure did,” he says, pulling a chair up to the bedside and sitting. Risha nods and leaves the ward, heading to the back to do Force-only-knows-what. “How are you feeling?”

Poe puts a hand to his mouth in mock consideration. “Decidedly less infected, but still crappy. A little loopy, too.” 

“Fair enough.” Finn checks him over, looking for an injury. “What happened?”

Poe sighs, gesturing to his legs. “Got cut when I was planetside and didn’t get a chance to clean it up. Then, it kind of… festered while I was flying back.” 

“Gross.”

“Yeah. Where’s BB?” Poe glances around like he might roll out from under Finn’s chair. 

Finn laughs, putting a hand on Poe’s sheet-covered thigh. “With Jessika. Don’t worry, BB’s fine.” 

Poe relaxes, closing his eyes and leaning back into the pillow. “Oh. Good. Jess’ll, Jess’ll, Jess’s good.” 

“I’ll make sure to let her know.” 

“Good…” Poe drifts off for a few minutes, eyes half-lidded but clearly asleep, and Finn just… watches. 

Poe is possibly the prettiest man Finn has ever met. Coming to terms with his feelings after spending some time with Poe between near-death experiences had been both easier and harder than Finn had anticipated, involving many late-night talks with Rey and Rose and the ultimate realization that Poe likely reciprocated his feelings but needed time to process the  _ everything  _ that had happened since they’d met. 

And then Finn waited. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

And got scared that he’d been wrong about Poe’s feelings. 

And fought with him.

And waited. 

So Finn could wait a little longer while Poe floated around in the hazy little world he’d retreated into, eyes drifting through the room and breathing slow. 

Finn shifted and Poe’s eyes popped open again, slightly clearer than before. “Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“I have to tell you something.” Poe looks… odd. He looks like he’s deep in thought, which isn’t something Finn wants to deal with while he’s high. 

Finn glances around the medbay, making sure they’re alone. They are, which is unsurprising considering the lull they’ve had since Exegol. Most of the serious injuries have been moved off-planet and everyone else no longer needs 24/7 attention. “Go ahead.” 

Poe takes a deep breath. Finn braces himself. He’s pretty sure he knows what’s coming, but Poe has his ways of taking him by surprise. Poe opens his mouth and then, “Never mind. I shouldn’t.”

Finn nods. “No, maybe not when you’re still sick.” 

Suddenly, Poe’s eyes fill with tears. “I’m sick and you’re here taking care of me,” he says. See? Every day’s a new surprise. “You’re so nice to me.” Poe is perilously close to tears now. “I should tell you. You deserve to know.” 

“Poe…”

“I love you,” he spits out, and then the waterworks start. Poe doubles over, burying his face in his hands. Between his fingers, he keeps talking. “I know you’re in love with Rey and you think I’m annoying and you probably don’t want to deal with all of this, but I really love you and I want to keep being your friend even if I can’t have you like that.” He pauses. “Unless you’re uncomfortable now. Oh,  _ kriff,  _ I’ve screwed it all up and now you think I’m creepy and-” 

The rest of Poe’s rambling is unintelligible, lost in messy sobs and heavy breathing. Finn is momentarily at a loss for words. Of all the bad luck in the universe… Why did Poe have to confess while half out of his mind? Why Is he so convinced Finn hates him? What does Finn do now?

He begins by putting a hand on Poe’s back. He’s warm through his undershirt and Finn can feel the muscles over his shoulder blades. “Poe, hey. Can you listen to me for a second?” Poe peaks up at Finn through his fingers. “It’s okay. I love you, too. I’ve just been waiting to tell you.” 

Poe freezes and Finn thinks, ridiculously, of BB-8 receiving conflicting pieces of data. He pauses, clearly trying to fit this new piece of information into his constructed reality. Then, he simply says, “No.”

“What do you mean, ‘no?’” None of the conversations he’d had with the girls had prepared him for rejection not of a relationship, but of the truth of Finn’s feelings. 

“No, you don’t. You can’t, because you love Rey,” Poe explains, sitting up and gesturing like Finn is the slow one here. “You wanted to tell her  _ something  _ that you wouldn’t tell me back there in the sinkhole and  _ obviously  _ that means you love her and not me. So you can’t love me.” 

This is why Finn hadn’t wanted to have this conversation while high. Now, they were walking into a whole other can of worms he’d been planning to open over a calming holovid and maybe some hot chocolate. Oh, kark it. “Poe, that’s not what I was going to tell Rey.” Poe looks at him, confused. “I’m going to tell you, but you need to promise me that you won’t freak out.” 

Poe nods. “I promise.” 

Finn braces himself. He trusts Poe, but he also knows what he’s been through in the last few months. With everything they’ve overcome, Finn doesn’t want this to be the thing to drive them apart. Still, Poe has to know. “Poe, I’m Force-sensitive.” 

Poe just blinks at him. “What?”

“I’m Force-sensitive.” 

Poe blinks again, letting his hands fall from his face. Finally, he says, “That’s it? That’s your big secret?” 

Now it’s Finn’s turn to be confused. “Yes? I thought, I don’t know, I thought it’d be a bigger deal.” 

Poe looks up at him, eyes puffy and red from crying and lips ever so slightly parted. “But you still love me?”

“Yes.” 

“‘Kay.” Poe leans back again.

“‘Kay?’” Finn says, incredulous. 

“Mm-hmm.” 

“I just confessed the biggest secret I have to you and all you have to say is, ‘kay?’” Finn realizes he’s waving his arms around and tucks his hands under his legs. 

Poe hums sleepily. “I mean, I’m sure we’ll have to talk about it later, when I’m not, you know.”

“High?”

“Yup. But right now, I’m just glad I didn’t ruin everything.” Poe smiles up at him and it’s slightly lopsided and very loopy. “I love you.” 

Maybe it can be easy. “I love you, too.” 

“Even my infection?”

“Go to sleep, Flyboy.” Finn puts his hand on Poe’s forehead and Poe closes his eyes obediently. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Poe mumbles something and turns onto his side. 

When Finn’s sure he’s asleep, he mutters, “You better remember this in the morning.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Hmm.... out of hand, this warm-up got. Finish it in one night, I did not. Work on my longfic, I was too tired to do.  
> Hit me up below, you can, or on tumblr @postapocalytpic-cryptic-fic or @chiafett.  
> A nice day, have you.


End file.
